Thursday, September 27, 2007
Saying SORRY, the magic word
How many people can say the magic word 'SORRY' easily? Not many I guess, certainly not me. Is it just an admission of guilt? Maybe not. Maybe there are other human emotions at play here. Maybe it also depends on power structures. For some, pride and ego come in the way, of even recognizing that hurt has been caused.
How many of us can say sorry to a child? The ability, or lack of it to do so, might tell us a lot about ourselves. Some find it easier to say sorry to their superiors than to their children, or, those lower in rank in the hierarchy. I've seen this 'failing' commonly among patriarchs or even matriarchs, for that matter. It is easier for them to ask God for forgiveness than to ask for forgiveness from the person concerned. So, it is fear to expose any weakness, or the soft underbelly, that prevents a 'Sorry'.
For some like my friend, it is safer to show that they are sorry, in deeds than in words. He will realize that in his anger he has caused hurt. So, he will put his arms around whoever has borne the brunt at that time, and say in a cajoling voice, "Come on yaar, let's go for a drink!" Or, "Come on yaar, let's go out, ple-e-ase?" Not comprehending why the other person is being, in his eyes, childish and mean in not dropping the issue and going on. After all, a peace offering is being made..! If they cared for him, wouldn't they accept? Of course, its useless telling him that they care for themselves too! "Childish, who me?.."
Yet another kind of person will not say 'sorry', because he/she feels justified for having done whatever has caused the heartburn. A sort of self-defense. "This will show him that he can't just fool around with me!" For them "A compromise, yes. A sorry, no!"
There is also this often very sorry business of being 'sorry' in politics. Sorry for the historical wrongs, one people might have inflicted on the other, either for political supremacy or economic gain. We have Tony Blair saying sorry to the Irish for the English indifference during the potato famine; Bill Clinton apologizing to the African-Americans for slavery -- both highly commendable. John Howard refusing to say 'Sorry' to the Aborigines for past injustices by the earlier colonials. Queen Elizabeth refusing to apologize for the Jallianwalla Bag massacre, on her last visit to India and the Duke even going so far as to suggest that the numbers have been exaggerated! Wonder what the motive was there.
Then of course the mother of all sorry is to tell sorry to a person you care the most for but hurt him/her somehow. Maybe a fight, quarrel, showdown, misunderstanding or by any other means you hurt him/her knowing or not knowing. At first there is this thought that comes into the mind, "who'll break the ice". Even thinking that is not so appropriate as from when did self ego started to play role in true relations, whatever be the name. You take the first step. You try your best but never get any reply. You are never told whether you have been forgiven. You try and try but no answers. Some lose faith and move on in life. But is this what you started it all for. No, not me. We forget the word "HOPE". It is the only strength and source of power that keeps everything ticking at its pace. You say sorry to a person because you know that person means a lot to you. You don't get any replies because your deeds have reduced your worth. But how so ever small does it get, you hope that one day there will be a reply, you will be forgiven and everything will become like before. You feel liberated and happy by knowing that at last all that effort put in help reduce the pain that you caused to someone so dear.
So, I urge every human being to say 'SORRY' and see if it liberates you or makes you feel small.
How many of us can say sorry to a child? The ability, or lack of it to do so, might tell us a lot about ourselves. Some find it easier to say sorry to their superiors than to their children, or, those lower in rank in the hierarchy. I've seen this 'failing' commonly among patriarchs or even matriarchs, for that matter. It is easier for them to ask God for forgiveness than to ask for forgiveness from the person concerned. So, it is fear to expose any weakness, or the soft underbelly, that prevents a 'Sorry'.
For some like my friend, it is safer to show that they are sorry, in deeds than in words. He will realize that in his anger he has caused hurt. So, he will put his arms around whoever has borne the brunt at that time, and say in a cajoling voice, "Come on yaar, let's go for a drink!" Or, "Come on yaar, let's go out, ple-e-ase?" Not comprehending why the other person is being, in his eyes, childish and mean in not dropping the issue and going on. After all, a peace offering is being made..! If they cared for him, wouldn't they accept? Of course, its useless telling him that they care for themselves too! "Childish, who me?.."
Yet another kind of person will not say 'sorry', because he/she feels justified for having done whatever has caused the heartburn. A sort of self-defense. "This will show him that he can't just fool around with me!" For them "A compromise, yes. A sorry, no!"
There is also this often very sorry business of being 'sorry' in politics. Sorry for the historical wrongs, one people might have inflicted on the other, either for political supremacy or economic gain. We have Tony Blair saying sorry to the Irish for the English indifference during the potato famine; Bill Clinton apologizing to the African-Americans for slavery -- both highly commendable. John Howard refusing to say 'Sorry' to the Aborigines for past injustices by the earlier colonials. Queen Elizabeth refusing to apologize for the Jallianwalla Bag massacre, on her last visit to India and the Duke even going so far as to suggest that the numbers have been exaggerated! Wonder what the motive was there.
Then of course the mother of all sorry is to tell sorry to a person you care the most for but hurt him/her somehow. Maybe a fight, quarrel, showdown, misunderstanding or by any other means you hurt him/her knowing or not knowing. At first there is this thought that comes into the mind, "who'll break the ice". Even thinking that is not so appropriate as from when did self ego started to play role in true relations, whatever be the name. You take the first step. You try your best but never get any reply. You are never told whether you have been forgiven. You try and try but no answers. Some lose faith and move on in life. But is this what you started it all for. No, not me. We forget the word "HOPE". It is the only strength and source of power that keeps everything ticking at its pace. You say sorry to a person because you know that person means a lot to you. You don't get any replies because your deeds have reduced your worth. But how so ever small does it get, you hope that one day there will be a reply, you will be forgiven and everything will become like before. You feel liberated and happy by knowing that at last all that effort put in help reduce the pain that you caused to someone so dear.
So, I urge every human being to say 'SORRY' and see if it liberates you or makes you feel small.
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